I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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