I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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