I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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