My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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