I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
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