I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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