Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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