now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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