I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
