1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
