The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
So many bounce houses so little time
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
