she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
