i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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