I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
