Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
