I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
