So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
