I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
