once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
