yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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