I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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