Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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