Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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