i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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