I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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