so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
