My Higher Power is John Stamos
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
