My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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