U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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