The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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