How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
