ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
