Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
