i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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