i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Holy shit dude........stairs
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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