I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
