Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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