sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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