the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
