here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
