So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
