if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
