she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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