My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
