Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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