the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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