Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
