I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
