how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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