Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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