I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
