sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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