I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
