Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
