so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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