I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
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I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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