so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
The uberlube is also flammable
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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