well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
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