He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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