if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
