I don't remember. Are we still dating?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
