matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
