Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
