I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
