You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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