My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
