I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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